You Must Eat With Elegance!
by Roxius
Summary: Laharl believes that strawberries must be eaten with elegance, yet poor Captain Gordon is anything but. Laharl X Captain Gordon. Slight OOCness, crack pairing. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Disgaea.

A/N: GOD, WHY?!!! THIS IS LIKE ONE OF THE ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRINGS, HUH...?

It's sooooo gay...:P Bleh! Sorry about Gordon's OOCness, tho...

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Laharl couldn't stand it. He just couldn't stand it any longer. It was such a bothersome pet peeve, yet he didn't feel like letting it slide this time.

"Just what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" the young demonic prince snarled. His eyes were practically ablaze with rage.

Captain Gordon, Ex-Defender of Earth, stopped mid-way before placing another strawberry into his mouth. For a moment, he thought he was going to piss himself. "Uh...w-w-what seems to be the problem, p-prince?"

Laharl slammed his hands onto the table, and snapped, "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EAT STRAWBERRIES, GODDAMMIT!!! DO IT RIGHT, OR I'LL KILL YOU AT THIS INSTANT, WITHOUT HESITATION!!!!"

"There's...there's a certain way to eat strawberries?" Gordon stammered quietly under his breath, his face growing deathly pale. The last thing he needed now was to tick off his new Overlord of a boss.

Laharl nodded. "Of course there is! Did you have any doubt?!"

"Well...yes..."

"SHUT UP!!" Laharl screeched, and then he continued to speak in a calm tone, "You just stick the damn strawberry in your mouth, and chew it up all carelessly like it's nobody's business! You need to be elegant when eating strawberries!! Do you understand me?! Elegance is key!!"

Gordon raised an eyebrow. "...What would a demon of your stature care for elegance?"

Laharl's antennas stuck straight up in the air as he snapped back, "DON'T QUESTION MY MOTIVES!!! JUST...JUST TRY TO EAT WITH ELEGANCE!!!"

Gordon shrugged, and began to move the strawberry once again towards his gaping mouth. He took a quick glance at Laharl, who still seemed as displeased as before. Sighing heavily, Gordon placed the strawberry back onto his plate and buried his face in his hands.

"I...uh, I don't know how to eat it elegantly..." he admitted.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY!!!" Laharl pointed out.

"That's because," Gordon raised his head, "I just know you'd kill me or something if I screwed up!!"

"Oh come on! It's not THAT difficult to act sophisticated! Just wrap your tongue around it, and kinda suck on it for a bit, and then chew from the tip, and slowly make your way towards the head...it's basically something very similar but not quite the same as 3rd-grade algebra, you monkey!!!"

"I can't, okay?! I just can't, goddammit!!!!"

Laharl cringed; it almost looked like this grown man was about to cry over his own pathetic behavior. In fact, Laharl was sure he just saw a tear slide down Gordon's pasty cheek right about now.

'Aww, crap...I really don't want to hear this bastard sob like the wimpy-ass pussy he is...I better do something...and fast...'

Laharl crossed his arms, and stared down at the floor. What he was about to do was not only embarrassing, but degrading on so many levels. Still, he had no choice but to do it. The demon prince knew he had to...apologize. The very thought of it made him shiver, yet he knew his choices were limited as it was.

"L...Look," Laharl said softly, his entire face becoming as bright red as a tomato, "I'm...I'm sorry, okay? You...you can eat strawberries however you want...I...I won't get mad...I'm not gonna kill ya or anything either...I promise...I'm...I'm really sorry for upsetting you...Captain Gordon, Defender of Earth..."

Almost instantly, like the oblivious idiot that he is, Gordon cheered up. "OH? AWESOME!!!" Then, he began shoving strawberries in his mouth like there was no tomorrow, and Laharl cursed silently to himself. He couldn't believe he actually had to do that just to make THIS STUPID SON OF A BITCH happy.

Laharl scowled. 'Damn bastard...doesn't even say thanks or anything...I should cut off his balls...'

"Thanks, prince! You're not such a terrible boss after all!!" Gordon added in between heavy chewing.

Laharl's face once again became flushed. '...Baka...'


End file.
